Westoniancrunk's Journals

Low Budget: Rock of Love Bus

I had to undergo a week of therapy before I could even begin writing this. If you haven't seen the new season of Bret Michaels' Rock of Love then you have yet to truly be emotionally scarred. Pretty much every chick that has ever been on that show is a stripper or a porn star; this season is no exception, the only difference is that these chicks look like they hook at truck stops on the side. I have never seen such a large group of scags before in my whole life. Every season the blondes get blonder, the boobs get bigger, and the battles get more brutal. Not even half way through the first episode there was already fighting. This alien Nikki flipped out because her luggage was removed from the bus so that Natasha could reorganize the luggage so everyones bags could fit. This bitch goes rambling on & on and I couldnt even pay attention to anything she said because her body & face need to be donated to NASA for genetic testing. There is no way she is part of the human race; I refuse to believe it! What doctor would proudly make someone look as horrific as Nikki? The mere mention of her name induces vomiting. I need to move on before the enamel on my teeth disappears. Although I do have to say she wrote a very lovely rap for Bret on the back of a bunch of STD pamphlets. So romantic!!!!!
After the bitch battle over luggage the girls attend a Bret Michaels concert in Louisville, KY. On the way there Ashley makes fun of Marcias Brazilian accent in true white trash fashion, which leads to Marcia pouring tequila all over Ashleys head. Of course all the blondes on the bus, or as they like to call themselves the blondtourage, rush to Ashleys aide. Awe, so cute! I cant wait for them to turn on each other & start calling out who blew Bret first. At the concert, since they all believe they are gods gift to men, they swarm the stage and some even think it would lady-like to make out, lick each others nipples, and do things that should only appear behind closed doors on stage in front of the whopping 52 concert goers the rest of the CGI crowd. I guess rock concerts are the best place to have that slut talk with the kids.
Just when you think things couldnt possibly get more vile the ladies make their way to the after party at a local bar where the drinks keep pouring and Nikki, the alien, does a shot off of one of Gias body parts. Ill give you a hint, it doesnt begin with the letter B & everyone looked utterly disgusted. After that lovely display of friendship the party was pretty much over and the ladies headed back to the hotel. Of course the rooms are stocked with an endless supply of booze so a few more drinks wont hurt. Things between Ashley & Marcia ignite and Marcia attacks Ashley & chokes her out. That was quite possibly my highlight of the episode just for the simple fact that Ashley thinks she is this hottest chick on the planet.
Finally everyones favorite part, THE ELIMINATION!!!!! This is the part where already low self-esteems are crushed to nothing and women are left to take the walk of shame. Bret eliminates Nikki & her C-shot partner Gia along with two other chicks that I honestly didnt even know were in the show until elimination.

SO ANNOYING

So Friday night I was at work on South Beach & decided to step out of the office and grab a quick snack. There are roughly around 500 people crowding around the window of the Christian Audigier (head designer of Ed Hardy) store and papparazzi are swarming the place. I wasn't the least bit interested in who was in the store. All I wanted to do was push through the crowd and get moving down the block. I make it past the crowd and look back and who do I see? Beyonce, Jay-Z, and President elect Barack Obama coming out of the store. People were losing their minds out there. I swear, I think I saw people crying. It was the most ridiculous thing I have witnessed on South Beach ever!!!! I understand people were excited to be near the three of them but the country is in a major recession and your going to spend your money on $600 sweat pants? So stupid!!!!!

WTF HAPPENED TO YOU?

So I haven't been on in months because I have just been all over the place.

I spent the end of Summer and the beginning of Fall on planes and driving all over the place and then I spent the end of Fall with everything I've known & loved just fading away. Now everything is somewhat perfect and I don't really know what 2009 brings and at this point I don't care because it can't be worse then 2008 for me.

I'm going to be starting my own little project in 2009 and it probably won't be ready to make an appearance unil 2010 but it will be so worth the wait. I am totally excited about everything right now. I've made some really amazing & very talented new friends and things are looking up.

I hope everyone had a very safe & happy New Year.

BUSY

I haven't been on my buzznet since my last blog. So much has happened!!!!!!! I spent a couple of weeks up and down the East Coast and got to spend a lot of time in Boston which I am completely in love with! I found myself caught in the middle of a gay pride rally in Providence, RI. I danced the nights away at pubs with my mates and some how managed to get TMV on Warped Tour. Then I found myself baking cookies for Disturbed and driving them out to Mayhem Fest in West Palm Beach, FL.

It has really been an amazing time and bigger things are going to be hitting the web by Christmas time.

This all almost ended last Friday when I was driving and an oil tanker blew up next to my car. Luckily my car and I were fine and I ended up dancing the next night!

01/20/08 to Present PART I

Since I have completely slacked on my buzznet here is everything that I have blogged about since my last Buzznet entry.

Organized Newest to Oldest.

Letâ�™s NOT Rock N Roll
Current mood: distressed

Pretty much at this point Chuckles has made it impossible for me not to laugh every time I hear the word "Rock N Roll" expecially if the word "Let's" is in front of it.

I have stopped counting the number times I have heard that phase in the past month let alone this week. I guess it is one of those things that you have to be there to think it is funny.

Anyways while we are on the subject of "Rock N Roll", Rock music really sucks. I mean, shit has gone down hill. I hardly have any rock music on my iPod anymore and the stuff I do have is like old school Deftonesand the unholy Coheed & Cambria. That whole genre has just really become not so enjoyable. I mean that Screamo/high pitched singing thing gives me a headache. Death metal makes me seriously just want to kill myself, Punk drives me nuts, and I would rather shoot heroin on the daily then listen to rap-rock. I don't know, maybe I am just not looking hard enough for good bands.

If you know of any let me know!

Actually now that I am thinking about it, I think music in generally is really starting to not sit too well with me.

SUNDAY IN HELL-A-LIAH

So yesterday, Sunday, I had to take my grandma home for a day. OMG! My mom failed completely. The whole drop off process started at fucking 11am and didn't get done dropping that crypt keeper off until almost 4pm. First we took my car which wreaked like fucking cigarettes and I had to empty all the trash out and hide any evidence of smoking. Secondly, it took that old hag like 30 minutes to fucking sit down and she sat shotgun and then I had to put the seatbelt on her like a baby. Eeew! I try to do everything I can from getting old cooties. So we ended up leaving my actual driveway at 11:30am. So I drive the 30+ minutes to Hialeah and my grandma informs me that she needs to go to Kmart. She went to one 5 years ago and wants to go to the same exact one but doesn't remember where it was. WTF? Bitch you crazy! I searched all through 103^rd Street and finally found a Kmart. I thought that Kmart had closed down years ago because it was helping out the Lower Poor Class too much and Wal-Mart is for the Upper Poor Class. Anyways, I take her to Kmart and it takes her like 40 minutes to walk to the door and then when we get inside she can't move the cart properly and it was such a headache. Then she informs me that she wants the exact same pants that she bought the last time she was there. OMG! Luckily for me, Kmart hasn't gotten a new shipment in since the early 80s so I was saved. I found those pants grabbed them and told her to move it. We get in the line at the register and my grandma tries to go straight to the front of the line. I had to yell at her to knock that shit off. She almost rammed a woman with the cart. Finally we get up to the cashier and my grandma is like, "no tengo dinero". WHAT? You can't go shopping without money! So I refused to come back to this hell hole so I paid for the pants and got the fuck out of there. We get back into my car after she Ray Charles her way into it and then she asks me who has her keys to her apartment. OMFG! I turn back and look at my mom and ask her and my mom is like "I must of forgot to bring them." I ask my grandma if one of her crazy neighbors has a set of keys and she is like oh yeah, Juana does. So I am like fucking sweet, let's drop this hoe cakes off and get the fuck out of this hell hole. Guess what, Juana goes to church on Sunday and isn't home all fucking day, which my grandma informed me after we get to her apartment. We get to her apartment and she gets out and starts yelling at the President of the Association and asking why he doesn't have the keys to her apartment. He yells back "I don't live with you!" FRESHNESS!

At this point I shove my grandma back in the car, yell at my mom for being a complete failure, and do about 110 the whole way home. My grandma is flipping out over how fast I am driving, I haven't had a cigarette in about 3 hours, and my mom is trying to make small talk. We get back to my house and my grandma tries to get out of the car. I am like oh hell no, sit down and wait! I run inside grab her keys jump back in the car and drive as fast as possible back down to Hialeah. On the way back down there she asks me "so what are we going to go do now?" WE AIN'T DOING SHIT! I AM TAKING YOUR ASS HOME, GRANDMA! Of course I said it in English so she had no clue and I am pretty sure I added the word hooker in there too. Finally, I get to her apartment, grab her mail, run up her stairs, open the door, turn on the A/C, and wait for her to crawl up there. She gets upstairs and sits down in her chair, I make sure everything is good and then she asks me what I am going to get her for lunch. WTF? I told her I would go get her McDonald's because it is literally on the corner and I needed to smoke bad. So I run to McDonald's and motherfuckers don't speak English and their Spanish is wack as fuck. I ordered in both languages and they took 30 minutes to get the food because they couldn't understand "NO CHEESE/SIN QUESO!" I return back to her apartment drop the food off and then tell her I must go because at this point shopping is more important to my life than she will ever be. It is now 4pm and I start heading over to Aventura Mall. My fucking day has been ruined and I am royally pissed that my mom dropped the ball like this, especially when gas is $3.80 a gallon. Actually, it wasn't even the money I cared about, it was the time that I was forced to spend with her in a closed area without cigarettes or beer. Seriously, I am considering paying someone to off her because I failed so bad the first attempt I made.

MY GRANDMA SHOULD DIE, END OF STORY!

F.Y.I. ITS TIME TO D.I.E.
Category: Pets and Animals

I think we all know that title is about my grandma. I know I know, it is a little harsh, not! Well, this fucking old hag moved into my house with me and she thinks she runs the fucking show now. Let me break down some things to you, she shuffles worse than Ray Charles, shakes worse than Michael J. Fox, and take more pills than Anna Nicole Smith...............bitch ain't running herself let alone this house. She finally had to move in with us because she has lost it and is a danger to city of Hialeah.

HAG HISTORY
Oh sweet grandma was born in Cuba, married at like 13 to a man that was like 40 or 50 from Puerto Rico, had my dad, got divorced, my dad came to America...legally.....shocker....., then she came to America, bought an apartment in a little town near Miami called Hialeah and the rest is all history. For those of us that have unfortunately experienced the Cubans in Hialeah I do not need to explain this woman's way of thinking, for those of you that don't know, old Cuban women are fucking crazy, racist, religious, wastes of space.

MY FONDEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES WITH THE HIALEAH DEVIL
I remember back in the early 90s when Madonna was still pushing the Like A Prayer image, all of us (my brothers and sister) were playing in the front yard of my grandma's apartment building in front of the huge Virgin Mary Statue when my sister decided to take the rosary off the statue and wear it. OMG, those crazy Cuban women flipped out and ran over to my grandma's apartment and the next thing I knew my dad was flying down the stairs telling her to put it back. They were all emotionally distraught over that necklace being removed. Then there was the time that she told all her neighbors that there was no way that my dad could be my father because I have a "black" ass, of course she used a different word for black but I think you get the point. Oh god and I almost forget, she always loves to mention how fat you are, non-stop constantly every time you see her she mentions your weight, if you gained if you lost. God, she is fucking fat! I don't get that shit man. Luckily we lived outside of the U.S. the majority of the time so I didn't have to see her for a couple of years. She also made it fairly clear that she thought my face was pretty fucked up too. Wow, aren't grandmas awesome? I mean at that point I was back in the U.S. and in High School so I already was having enough problems trying to find my own identity and where I fit in let alone have her constantly nagging me about the fact that not even my own mother could love my face. This eventually led to the now infamous pillow over face incident of the early 2000s.................it was unsuccessful.

ABUELA, TU ESTA MUY LOCA
In all honesty my family has been avoiding this whole thing with her moving in for a long ass time. About two years ago was when we started noticing her losing it. There were many signs, um she would call me Brianne (my sister) then she would call me Dahlia (my 3 yr old niece) and now she asks me when I am going to show up. Then there was the time that she walked over to my niece's high chair and was talking to it when my niece was playing outside, right after that she walked over to the trash can and started smacking the lid and saying "NO", I guess she thought it was my niece. Then there was the time that we had the stroller folded up and leaning against the wall and she walked up to it and asked what it was going to be for Halloween thinking it was my niece, my mom responded with "well grandma, I think it is going to be a stroller!" LOL! At my brother's last birthday dinner she had no clue who the fuck I was and kept asking my dad when he was going to show up...........................omg. Then there is the infamous shit story......................................which I believe is a personal favorite of Krystal's, lol.

THE INFAMOUS SHIT STORY
So my mom had to take my grandma to the doctors one afternoon and she gets in her car and starts down the block when my grandma is like "oh I think I have to go to the bathroom". My mom tells her that if she has to go it is not a problem because the house is literally right behind them, my grandma is like "no, nevermind." So my mom keeps on driving, eventually gets on the highway to the point that the next exit isn't for another 15 miles when my grandma turns and says "I have to go and I have to go now." My mom ends up getting off the highway,stopping at this gas station/restaurant and letting my grandma in to go to the bathroom. So like 30 minutes goes by and my grandma is still inside the bathroom. My mom heads down the hallway and there is a line forming for the bathroom with the worst smell ever coming out of the bathroom. My mom knocks on the door and asks my grandma if she is okay. My grandma opens the door 20 minutes later and there is shit in the sink, on the walls, on the floor, on her pants, on her hands, the toilet bowl is stained brown, and her underwear were so full of shit that my mom had to throw them away. At this point my mom feels bad for everyone else that wants to use the bathroom and decides to try and clean up. She uses all the paper towels in the bathroom to clean the shit off everything and even has to scrub the toilet bowl with the paper towels without gloves to the point that she got shit under her nails. My mom cleaned what she could clean and then took my grandma to the doctors. Of course the doctors are looking at my grandma's shit pants and thinking that we don't take care of her.

F.Y.I. ITS TIME TO D.I.E. PT. II
Current mood: annoyed
Category: Pets and Animals

So, I have a feeling that this might be a weekly blogging event. My grandma (abuela de diablo) is driving my mother and I fucking crazy. On top of her driving me crazy she is having a major issue with sundowning.

Sundowning: People with diseases such as Alzheimer's often have behavior problems in the late afternoon and evening. They may become demanding, suspicious, upset or disoriented, see or hear things that are not there and believe things that aren't true. Or they may pace or wander around the house when others are sleeping.

DAY 1:
OMFG! My mom knocks on my door and is like "Chantal, I have a man coming to fix the garage door because your brother fucked it up when he came and got some shit. Please listen for the phone, the guy is coming between 3pm-5pm." So, my mom leaves at like 2pm and the second she walks out the door my grandma comes and wakes me up by banging on my door screaming that there is a man here. NO ONE IS FUCKING HERE! I wish someone was here and they were going to murder and rob us because I can't fucking deal anymore. I tell her to sit down and don't worry about it. Then the phone rings, I don't answer the house phone because it is pointless and because I would rather someone leave a message because I will forget to tell my parents, kind of like the time my brother forgot to tell my mom that her brother died. Every single time the phone rings she comes banging on my door screaming about the man. I finally had to tell her to not worry about it because I got things under control. Finally, the man calls and he says he is on his way. I give him directions and jump in the shower to get ready for work. I get out, get dressed, and start putting on my face when he rings the doorbell. NOOOO! My grandma starts screaming my name and for me to get the door. Hello, when I mean "get dressed" that's my way of saying underwear. Jesus man, I had to throw on some pants and a jacket and go out there like everything was cool. I let the guy go into the garage I walk back through my front door and my grandma starts talking about some fan thing that is supposed to be on the front porch. She opens the front door and luckily Memphis is scared of the world and runs strictly in circles because it takes the oldie like 20 minutes to step down. So, I guess she goes out there and realizes that there is no fan so instead of thinking "hey maybe I'm fucking crazy and the fan doesn't exist", she automatically thinks someone stole that shit. OMG, here we go man! My dad gets home, the phone rings, it's my mom I run to my room and tell her to never tell my grandma anything everything again because she has been flipping out all day. I hang up and leave ASAP to work.

DAY2:
I spent all morning at the doctors. (or was this on Day 3, I can't remember). It sucked! They ran some tests and a whole bunch of nonsense that later I was told was invalid because of a certain friend.
FUCK! Anyways, I get home with my mom from all that old hag is just walking around looking around like she has no clue where the hell she is. Then she keeps asking me who's dog that is..................HELLO, THAT'S MEMPHIS AND SHE OFFICIALLY RULES THE HOUSE. You wake up and the dog is passed out on the couch with a pillow under her head. You can tell her to get down and she practically gives you the finger. Enough with how awesome Memphis is, she then asks me where my dad is. OMG! We go through this everyday with this woman. MONEY DOESN'T GROW ON TREES AND YOU AREN'T DEAD SO WE HAVEN'T COLLECTED YET! PLUS HEROIN & CRACK AREN'T GIVEN OUT ON HALLOWEEN ANYMORE SO WE ALL HAVE TO WORK.

DAY 3:
I actually woke up before 4pm, shocker! My mom was out doing some shit so it was just me, Memphis, and that bitch. I was cleaning some dishes in the sink and she came over and did the "let me do it, I want to help routine that she pulls." I tell her that I don't need her help and that if she really wanted to help she would have done these earlier instead of sitting on her ass all day. She turns to walk away, looks back, and then I hear "turn towards me please". I ignore it.........................I already know that she spotted my tattoos. :Turn towards me!" I'M FUCKING BUSY GRANDMA! Then she walks away and sees them while she's on the couch. I go to my room and hear my dad enter............that's when the battle begins. I can hear her yelling "how could you let her do that?" My dad is most likely rolling his eyes and thinking about Roger. He tells her that I'm a fucking adult and that if I want to mess my body up it is my business. Thanks Dad! I can't take anymore of it so I go out there and I am like "LISTEN UP! IF YOU THINK TATTOOS ARE THE WORST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY BODY THEN YOU ARE FUCKING CRAZY! I'M AN ADULT AND WHAT I DO WITH MY BODY IS MY BUSINESS, NOT YOUR'S, NOT MY PARENTS'. THERE IS NO FURTHER DISCUSSION, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIT ON THE FUCKING COUCH, SHUT UP, AND DIE!" Of course she has no clue what I said because she doesn't speak English. Awe, the beauty of it! At this moment I decide that I might have to attempt PILLOW OVER FACE again, hopefully this time I won't fail.

DAY 4:
I wake up kind of late and get ready for work. I'm running a little behind so I hurry up and gather everything quickly to leave. I go to my kitchen to grab the DP, it is 5:25, fuck I'm going to be late. I notice my front door is open and my grandma is standing there looking confused. DUDE, she thought it was the bathroom. She walked out the front door and removed her old lady piss catcher and had her pants undone and the piss catcher in her hand. OMG! The fucking neighbors probably saw this nonsense and now they officially think we are fucked up. I don't say anything, she comes back in and realizes that it wasn't the bathroom and heads the real bathroom and does whatever it is she does in there. She comes out and I go to leave, my dad isn't home yet, and she starts getting all flippy. She starts saying my brother Mario was in an accident. I'm like grandma, that is impossible unless of course someone drove a car into his place of work. I mean come on lady. Then she starts saying that my dad is in an accident. WHAT A FUCKING TEASE! Somehow the conversation turns angry and she starts demanding phone numbers! She's like "I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR FATHER IS, WHERE YOUR MOTHER IS, WHERE MARIO IS, AND WHERE YOU ARE GOING?" I can't deal with her and her nonsense and at this point I just yell all the time. "GRANDMA, WE ARE AT THE SAME PLACES WE ALWAYS GO, WORK! MARIO DOESN'T FUCKING LIVE HERE, JASON DOESN'T FUCKING LIVE HERE......HE LIVES IN NYC, BRIANNE DOESN'T LIVE HERE.....SHE LIVES IN BALTIMORE, THE TRASHCAN IS NOT DAHLIA, MY NIECE.......SHE LIVES IN BALTIMORE WITH BRI, MY MOTHER IS AT WORK, MY FATHER IS COMING HOME FROM WORK, AND I AM UNFORTUNATELY STUCK HERE WITH YOU! I AM WRITING DOWN TWO NUMBERS, MY MOTHER'S CELL AND MY FATHER'S CELL. NO, I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MINE OR MARIO'S NUMBERS BECAUSE WE ARE THE LAST TWO PEOPLE THAT WOULD CARE IF YOU ARE OKAY OR NOT. THERE YA GO, AND BYE!"
I go to work, everything goes well, Chuck says some stuff that I can't forgive him for in this life, and then I finally leave to go home. My grandma wakes up all thoughout the night so I am the only person that I know that actually has to sneak into their house. I decide to take the garage route, it is really quiet and not near her room. I go inside, realize I left my Sidekick in my car go outside and that is when hell fucking breaks out. There is this step from the garage to the driveway and for some reason when I stepped down my right foot rolls, I hear a loud crack, I end up diving/falling into the front yard and scream "FUCK!!!" I'm in extreme pain and that's when I see her light come on in her room. I had to crawl back into the garage, back inside the house, and all the way to the back corner to my parents door. I open their door and start crawling down their hallway to their master room and fucking Memphis thinks I'm playing a game and decides to attack me. I have to fight the dog the whole way down the hall and finally I get to my mom and wake her ass up. She helps me get back to my bedroom and grabs this huge bag of ice and a towel. I slept with the ice on my foot and I pretty much blame my grandma and Chuck for this event.

DAY 5:
Back at the doctors bright and early. I get some painkillers fucking pass out, wake up, realize there is no way I can go to work. I can't drive left-footed and my right foot is still numb. I'm stuck with grandma all by myself. I just lock myself in my room. She seems pissed about yesterday and the fact that I am injured.

There is only one good thing that has come from the whole abuela de diablo living with me and that is, my grandparents in Melbourne (even though we aren't related by blood they still consider me their grandchid) are seriously amazing and I think I need to go spend way more time with them.

2008 CHARITY WORK
Current mood: energetic
Category: Romance and Relationships

So every year I always try to do as much charity work as possible. I know I made a lot of you proud with my Charity work through out 2007. It wasn't an easy task pleasuring the majority of homeless men & women in the Tri-County Area but hey, dirty poor people need love too.

With that being said I will be devoting 2008 to a great non-profit organization called PORN FOR THE BLIND. Porn for the Blind is dedicated to producing audio descriptions of sample movie clips from adult web sites.

Omg, it is like sweet Jesus threw my golden ticket out of hell right into my lap. This fucking rules. All I need is a microphone to use on my computer and some much needed alone time.

Please visit www.pornfortheblind.org and donate a recording. Help the horny blind of the world with one description at a time.

whiteÂ²

White people are crazy as hell man! Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! I know white people think everyone else is crazy especially latin people but damn man. Latinas are just crazy because they keep their men's dicks on lock. That's how shit should be. I'm not saying to control your man but I know that when I got a man, I know where his dick is more than I know where he's at. Fuck that shit man! If his dick strayed I'd be out. You will never catch with me with a cheater. I won't deal with that shit and I sure as hell don't got the time to be worrying about the black plague entering my coochie.

Which leads me to this, I am sorry that you are pathetic/desperate and now so is your boyfriend but stop putting the blame on everyone else. "You don't ask how a grilled cheese sandwich is made when you already know!" You want to know why no one told you the second his dick strayed.............really you want to know. First off, we were his friends not your's, so you need to get that in your head. Yeah it's fucked up but it isn't are place to jump into your relationship and cause a fuss. Secondly, if we were to tell you, you would just turn around and tell him that we told you and blame us for causing drama. Lastly, BITCH YOU DUMB AS FUCK! He fucks around in front of you and you just think it is because he is drunk. Hoe, you need to get smart fast or you are going to end up getting your ass beat by every man you meet.

I feel sorry for your boyfriend more than I do you. After the beat down was done and everything was finished he ended up in jail and you called all his friends and posted bulletins after bulletins on myspace trying to get the sympathy card pulled to the max. I DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR YOU! This was a long time coming. You guys always fight verbally and physically, this time shit got out of hand. You probably should have just gone back to your parents' house a long time ago so you could grow up and get your shit together. You need to do some self searching and learn your own value before you can let anyone put their value on you. Also, word of advice..............never beat the shit out of someone when they are passed out drunk to the point that they wake up. That's fucking immature.

Furthermore, the fact that you are bringing some of my best friends into your hot mess makes you pathetic. You don't want to break up with your boyfriend because you are afraid we/they won't hang out with you is stupid. Pretty much the only reason you are around now is because you are your man's ride. I can't deal with your drama and your lies and I don't think anyone around me wants to deal with that nonsense either. You both are far younger, mentally, then all of us.

Here's a news flash for you, YOUR MEAL TICKETS ARE OVER! I think I speak for everyone when I say we are tired of paying for you and your man. FYI, your scum asses owe me $10 but I guess I will take the jail and fucked up face as payback.

I'M OVER IT!

OVER IT....................................
Category: Life

I am totally over not being 21 already. This is a bunch of nonsense. I am like the one friend that holds everyone back. I should just lay low until 2009. I mean like when I was hanging out with Ken back in March and I had to remind him that I am not 21 and I wasn't sure if I would be able to get in with him, the look on his face was one of those, FUCK!!!!!!!!!! I felt pretty bad after that because I know that it sucks big dick not being able to do shit because of one person. I mean that time everything worked out and there wasn't a problem with me going in. My rack speaks louder than any plastic card.

I mean I kind of have that problem when a party is 18+ and one of your friends is like 17 or it is 18+ for girls and 21+ for guys and some of your guy friends are 20. That shit makes me feel bad because I don't want to go out and have a good time without them but then again they don't want to hinder anyone from going out and enjoying themselves.

FUCK THIS 21+ BULLSHIT MAN!!!

I know everyone is going to be like get a fake I.D. but that shit is fucking stupid. Yeah, then you get busted by the cops or for some reason you get pulled over and they decide to search your shit and you are FUCKED! Hello, it is considered identity theft in that state of Florida and I believe you have to spend 90 days in jail minimum. That's if you can afford a lawyer that isn't retarded and gets you off.

I wish I could just sleep until my 21st Birthday. Most of the times I go out, I only end up drinking 1-5 beers at the club max. It's not like I am a raging alcoholic. I only drink every once and a while, like at clubs, concerts, or parties but not heavy and never hard liquor.

Anyways, enough about the 21+ nonsense. My side has been hurting for like 2 weeks now. At first I would get pains every once and a while. Now I am getting the pain constantly and it is worse. On top of everything my side is swollen. I can feel either my Kidney or part of my liver, not too sure, bulging out. I should probably go to the doctors but I've been busy at work and didn't want to leave then empty handed. Plus there is nothing like waking the parents up at 3am and getting them to drive you to Memorial Hospital's Emergency Room.

I probably shouldn't be smoking or drinking mass amounts of Diet Pepsi. I can't resist man. Oh well, maybe I will get lucky and have to go under the knife. Every time I have had surgery I lost 20 lbs and kept it off. So this shit would be sweet right about now. I hope there isn't a problem with my liver, I would rather lose a kidney then have shit fucked up with my beer buddy. I am really hoping it is just a swollen appendix or maybe the baby making organs. I would love for those to go away forever!!!!!!! Anyways, if I am not on for the weekend or if you can't reach me, you know why.

Good Cop, Bad Cop
Current mood: giggly

Work meetings are so lame. I look at everyone's faces and we all just want to burst out laughing or call people out on their B.O., or because they suck, or because they never give accurate information, or because we don't want to hear their annoying excuses about why they snapped at a client.

OMG! This kid tried to use the excuse that he snapped at a lady because he had just quit smoking and he was stressed. Um, what type of lame ass excuse is that? No one gives a fuck if you sold out and thought being healthy was more important than being skinny. I'm pretty sure only the very back of the room heard my response to that "that's why you do drugs instead". I know Austin heard that shit, he bursted out laughing. lol!

Oh god, I think I zoned out for like more than half of the meeting. The rest of the night was just hilarious because people were stressing out.

God, everyone does not know how hard it was for me to not burst out with a sexual joke after the line "sometimes you have to play good cop, bad cop" was used. OMG! I had to hold back so hard. I think that is why I zoned out because in my mind I was at the same meeting but I actually made the joke and it ended in two seperate ways. The first way, Krystal bursts out "CHANTAL! OMG!" and starts laughing and then the room begins to laugh. The second way was me being fired. I'm pretty sure the first way was how it would of gone though. DAMN, I SHOULD OF SAID IT, now I will never know.

IN NON-LAME NEWS; EXXXOTICA IS ONLY $35!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg, I couldn't even get a hooker on US-1 to rub me out for that price. FRESHNESS! I'm like 80% positive that I am going to go just because I have no shame and come this time next year I hope to be a recovering porn addict.

I'm not making any promises that I will be returning to S.A. any time soon........................let's just say that is more like a New Year's Resolution for 2058.

Plus, I KNOW MY DREAM MAN IS THERE, I don't think I KNOW! He's most likely got about a 5 inch dick (fully erected), white, mid 30s to late 40s (not a problem, I generally enjoy the company of much older men especially when it is against my will), divorced or never came close to marrying (which means the thought of fucking him forever made most women he was with commit suicide), most likely he will have major baggage (talking about kids not his manic depression/cutting), and maybe a sex offender...................maybe. I mean I don't mind a man with a criminal past, it is a turn on. Especially if you have to go to the prison to see them and they are chained to a chair in their orange jump suit, with a complete rubber face shield. I know I speak for a lot of women when I say, complete and total aphrodisiac.

I mean you never know, I could lose my job and have to resort to getting paid for sexual favors as a full time job and not just for extra cash.

With that being said I will be giving 2 for 1 favors at Gator Run Elementary School this Sunday. Meet me at the "Parent Drop-Off" circle.

eXXXotica FUCKS miami

Next weekend, April 18-20, all of my favorite sluts will be in town working their dirty whore magic at the Miami Convention Center. I have yet to attend a single eXXXotica Convention since my 18th Birthday so I am pretty much slacking. I am going to try to attend at least 1 day this year. I AM FUCKING EXCITED!!! I mean come on, think of all the potential baby's daddies, HEY BOOOOOOIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!! Omg, finally I will be able to find someone that will attend S.A.. Fucking sweetness.

PLEASE DO NOT BOTHER ME NEXT WEEKEND.............

Unless of course you want to come with me then in that case be sure to bring $500 cash, any valuable jewelry you may own, photo identification, your birth certificate, and please park all baby strollers at the far west parking lot. Don't worry the parking attendant may say he doesn't watch children but that doesn't mean he won't enjoy touching them. Also you must tell no one where you are going and who you are meeting after all the best things in life are kept a secret. I will be wearing an all black latex cat suit complete with face mask. Be sure to bring a plastic bag, for the fluid of course, I will be providing the ball gag, rope, shovel, lime, and any cutting device your little heart desires.

If the above sounds like something you are interested in, you all have my number.

4 years boils down to 1 hour and 30 mins

Ever since I graduated college in â�™06 it has been a battle to get this shitty ass University to release my degree to me. Someone fucked up my credit audit back in â�™06 and it said "DEGREE COMPLETE". Well, I guess at the end of that school year they decided to stop counting a certain History class that I took towards the degree I was receiving and completely got rid of that course all together. HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? The damn counselor should have told me when I registered for that course that pretty much I was taking it for shits and giggles. So, for the past two years I have been battling this shit hole school for my fucking degree and now it comes down to 1 hour and 30 mins of my life...................and $90. I have to take a CLEP test for one course on the CLEP list and get a 50 or higher. If I can do that then, boom, I will walk out with my middle fingers held high and a big fucking grin on my face.

Really, there is only one small problem...................there are only 5 course that I can CLEP out of. I took all the other classes while I was in college. Damn, I would have loved to CLEP out of Chemistry. Iâ�™m a fucking god when it comes to that shit. Unfortunately, most of those CLEP tests are foreign languages. I mean if I had $90 to kill I would just take one that I knew I would fail, just to see what the hell that test was like. I mean I can only imagine what the Japanese CLEP exam is like, that shit must be crazy as hell. You would have to be fluent to pass that.

Anyways, I think I am going to CLEP CGS 1077. I took CGS 1100 in school and um thatâ�™s clearly a different computer course, so that fucking school canâ�™t even tell me that shit wonâ�™t count. I mean CGS 1077 has to be the retarded computer class. I fell asleep everyday in the CGS 1100, except for when the Haitian woman started sitting next to me but that is because her body odor was so bad I couldnâ�™t stop gagging. That class was the biggest joke ever. I mean seriously, what type of person doesnâ�™t know how to turn on a computer? I mean the Haitian woman didnâ�™t know shit but it is understandable since this is the first time she has lived in a place where it didnâ�™t sound like a machine gun going off when it rained. TIN ROOF REMIX! (thatâ�™s for Hugo).

With that being said, wish me luck amigos because next week will be the most important week in the history of my shitty American education. I mean I lived in 3rd World Countries that had a better education system then this DEVELOPED NATION.

Slackers

Iâ�™m sick of all these fucking lazy ass slackers in my life. What the fuck is wrong with people my age? I just donâ�™t understand why they are so lazy when they are at work. Hello, you are getting paid...DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!

Whatever, so far none of them have lasted and those that are still lazy will be dismissed soon enough.

God, if being a piece of shit was a job skill these motherfuckers would be CEOs.

End of story.

The real secret to baking cookies/How I spent my vacation...

Seriously, you could mix everything together and have the perfect cookie dough but if you donâ�™t set the oven temp. correctly, then you could be faced with the inside cooking too slow and the outside cooking to fast. That is all I am going to say on that subject. I will never tell you the correct temp. setting.

I only had like 3 decent nights on the whole 5 days of vacation. Wednesday, really late Friday, and Saturday were the only good days. I spent the majority of my vacation watching Sasha Grey films.

THE MISSION MELBOURNE

Never, ever will I use MAPQUEST again! It failed me one time before and I decided to give it another chance and it almost killed us!

Krystal and I drove up to Melbourne yesterday to go to The Mission Veo show. We were on Florida Turnpike and needed to cut over to I-95 so we ended up
on the Yeehaw Jct.

The Yeehaw Jct. is super popular in Central Florida because of Disney World. There are a million billboards for this thing so I assumed taking that exit would take me through civilization. I keep looking at the lack of gas on my gas gauge and canâ�™t stop laughing so Krystal busts out laughing. At this point, we are in the middle of Orange Fields and Portable Toilets. We keep seeing signs for I-95 with arrows pointing straight ahead but no highway in sight. Finally, we freakinâ�™ find a gas station and I-95. There is just one problem, the first gas station I go to has a vomit inducing bathroom and no gas, and Krystal and I are pretty sure the dude working there had the HIV.

Really I just want to make one thing clear, MELBOURNE IS PLACE YOU GO TO, WHEN YOU WANT TO DIE! The majority of the people that live there are retired and pretty much on their last dasy. The rest of them are so redneck! ugh! All in all it was an awesome show and seriously, Krystal, Manny, Karsten, Ben, and I had the greatest Paramore sing-a-long in the history of cars. I didnâ�™t even know that you could crowd surf in a car but Ben proved me wrong. He freaking surfed from the front of the car all the way to the back. It was amazing!

Oh yeah, and hereâ�™s how my bar tab went:
just keep in mind that I am at the same bar the whole time.

I bought 3 new castles for $13.50
then I bought 2 for $9.00
then I bought 1 for $5.00
then I bought 3 New Castles and 1 Bud light for $18.00

WTF? Karsten totally called them out on it and they just shrugged their shoulders.

Krystal and I left the Hustler club and hit up a local Steak N Shake because it has pretty much become tradition and it is the only thing open past 5pm in Melbourne. This guy behind me kept waving at Krystal and trying to get her to look at him, lol! Our waiter was on so fucked up it wasnâ�™t even funny. He most likely smoked crack 5 minutes before we got there. Seriously, the whole place was weird. We just wanted to get back to Fort Lauderdale.

In the end Krystal and I made it home in a little over 2 hours thanks to my need for speed.

ALL HAIL, MIAMI <3
Current mood: accomplished

TASTE OF CHAOS LAST NIGHT WAS GLORIOUS!

Supposedly, my cookies are legendary now.

Also, I have finally found what I want to do with my life. Iâ�™m going to open a low-grade/high-sleaze motel. Our motto is going to be "HEY AT LEAST THE DOORS LOCK!" There will be a dead hooker in every closet and if it isnâ�™t fresh enough we will go out and kill ya a new one!

Thatâ�™s pretty much it.

P.S. Never piss off Ken

BROWARD MALL BLOOD BATH
Current mood: angry

Today I went to Broward Mall to go pick up something I had ordered at FYE. So I get into the parking lot and it is a bit full. I notice someone pulling out of a space up front so I wait with my turn single going and I really donâ�™t have to worry about any asshole turning in to the spot because it is a one way lane and no one else appears to be around. So the car backs up and drives off, this old guy fucking walks over and stands in the spot. So I wait for a minute thinking he is just cutting through then about 5 minutes later he is still standing there doing nothing. I was going to honk my horn but I was afraid that he might piss himself so I wait a little longer.

Finally, Iâ�™m just fucking pissed because I need to get in and get out so I can make it to work on time. So, I roll down my window, "HEY CRYPT KEEPER, WHAT ARE DOING? Iâ�™M NOT GOING TO HELP YOU KILL YOURSELF, I DONâ�™T BELIEVE IN EUPHANASIA IN PARKING LOTS! LETâ�™S HURRY THIS SHIT UP!" The guy tells me that he is waiting for his wife so she can take the spot. "YOU CANâ�™T FUCKING HOLD A SPOT WITHOUT A VEHICLE, DICK!" Like what the fuck! So now I am seriously pissed off, like pretty much just as pissed off as the time that other old bitch cut me off at the bank. Like I had to tell him "JUST ONE FUCKING PUSH ON THE PEDAL OLD MAN AND YOUâ�™RE FUCKING DONE!" Of course this happened in the parking lot in front of the bus stop so of course all the people waiting for the bus think Iâ�™m a fucking asshole because I want the spot that should rightfully be mine.

Why do old people think they can do whatever the fuck they want just because they are dieing sooner? Fuck those motherfuckers! They canâ�™t push me around because I was born 6 decades after them, I WAS THERE FIRST! It comes down to the principle of the matter and the principle in a parking lot is "FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE".

That old guy needs to go eat a bag of baby dicks!

ABORT YOUR BABY!
Current mood: angry

Why do people think babies are cute? They are fucking disgusting! I hate babies, they look like aliens and all they do is stare, shit, sleep, and eat.

New moms suck! Itâ�™s like they try to act like they are fucking amazing and their kid is like the biggest genius ever. YOUR BABY IS RETARDED! I will only be impressed by your baby if they can spell my name right because it takes a genius to do that shit nowadays! Also, stop trying to act like that baby was the best thing to ever happen to you. Come on, that baby ruined your life and rapidly crushed your dreams. You should of just done yourself a favor and paid the $7 for a box of condoms instead of letting people know you are a hoe. Or you could of spent 3-4 months saving your money for an abortion which probably would have been the smart thing to do. I hate people that are like oh Iâ�™m going to have the baby and give it up for adoption. ARE YOU SERIOUS? Why would anyone want a baby that itâ�™s own mother didnâ�™t want? EEEW!!!! Why would you do that to your child? I mean you never know what type of life that kid is going to have and you will end up wondering what happened to your bastard child later on. The guilt alone is enough to make me abort.

I want to start an organization to help raise money to pay for abortions for those that canâ�™t afford them. Iâ�™m a tax payer and I sure as hell donâ�™t want my money to pay for someone who isnâ�™t responsible. Itâ�™s your life, your body, but it is our money. Keep that shit in mind the next time you want to unwind. Motherfucker I donâ�™t want to pay my own bills let alone everyone elseâ�™s.

I was at the mall early one day last week and I had gone out drinking heavily with some friends and tried to actually be nice about to some woman about her fucking shitty kid because it seemed like national new mom day at the mall and shit.
I tried to compliment this woman on her baby. I was like "wow, thatâ�™s really amazing of you to care for a child with Down Syndrome. I mean its going to be a battle for life and it takes an amazing person to not just give up". The fucking bitch snapped! I guess her baby didnâ�™t have Down Syndrome, HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW! Let me tell you, Iâ�™m no fucking doctor but someone was missing their 23rd chromosome and it sure as fuck wasnâ�™t me. Iâ�™m pretty sure if you would of showed her a picture of what her kid was going to look like when she found out she was pregnant, she probably would of aborted it.

The lesson of this whole thing is ABORT YOUR BABY, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!

Thanks!

P.S. Iâ�™m sorry if this offends some of you that may be anti-abortion but everyone has their own opinions.

LUCKIEST BITCH FOR THE MONTH OF MARCH IS....

ME!!! Holy shit, Iâ�™ve fucking won like 30 free Diet Pepsi drinks. I RULE! Iâ�™m getting $100 cash tonight for taking some shit to fucking Miami/Homestead for a client because that fucker during the day donâ�™t know what the fuck he is ever talking about and deserves to be punched in the face for bitching about my vacation when he has been here the least amount of time and deserves to be run over.

Also, I got $20 last week for nothing. COME ON! I RULE!

ANYWAYS, BOOZE ON ME TONIGHT AND TOMORROW! FUCK YEAH! Letâ�™s have a damn good time.

DUCT OFF
Current mood: content

The trunk of my car has been fixed. I decided to go to the low-grade mechanics. Pretty much guys that used to break into cars for a living back in the day but now slave away in the garage. Those dudes totally knew what was up. They didnâ�™t even use proper terminology.

They came out and were like "yeah, come here gurl. Let me tell chu sumting. See dis here metal piece. Some motherfucker tried to jack ur sheeeeeeeet. Ok, so chis wut I do. I grabbed this here bar and bent that motherfucker back into place. Then I took this fucking screw, hey chu payin attention. FUCKUS with me. (that was hilarious) So I took chis screw and fucking put it here. That be all."

The best part was that it was only $70 and I got an oil change with that nonsense.

That gives me a total savings of $1,730.00.

I didnâ�™t even blow anybody. It was awesome.

From now on, I will only let someone work on my car if they look like they are going to steal it.

Now my left headlight is out. SON OF A BITCH!

MANNY & CHANTAL
Current mood: loved

Chantal: I need to lose way more weight
Manny: Havenâ�™t you already lost enough weight, geez (blows cig smoke out)
Chantal: NOOOOO, I need to be like 90 lbs, GOD!
Manny: (laughs) True, you have to be there tomorrow. Iâ�™m debuting my new Mission Veo outfit.
Chantal: OMG! Iâ�™m THERE! I LOVE YOU
Manny: (sexy metal whisper/too much MSI in the brain) I love you!

You see Manny Veo is my boyfriend. I love him, he pretends to love me in a sexual way, we go out places and I always pay, I cover for him when he is in need, and I always support him. Of course there will be that time when I cheat on him with someone who is a heterosexual then Iâ�™ll have to admit it, we will cry, hug, I will buy him a gift, and then we will go back to how we always used to be. Eventually the relationship (more like my obsession) will turn toxic and will lead me to a life of hard narcotics, I will lose everything, and be forced to prostitute (actually work the streets not Craigs list) where I will be arrested, serve time, and eventually be released.

No matter what I LOVE MANNY VEO!

LANGERADO......./SICKNESS
Current mood: sick

Langerado blew major dick, like more dick than a bitch at the Bunny Ranch. I only went for the fucking Beastie Boys and because I got in for free.

First off, I ended up having to wait almost 2 hours at Will Call for my ticket because that stupid bitch Jennifer didn't call fucking Ethan and confirm that shit. Finally Ricky had to call Ethan and hand that hoe his cell phone. Bitch knew she fucked up once she realized that we seriously weren't playing.

After all that ticket nonsense was done we had to drive 30 more miles into the everglades for the concert. I don't know who's bright idea it was to have the concert at Big Cypress but they should be shot in the face! We were stuck on a single lane, dirt road for 3 hours. I had to piss, so Ricky had to cut the lights and he ended up misting me with the windshield wiper fluid which disturbed my piss so I ended up not going.

Once I finally got to park my car it was like a 20 min walk to the actual gate. I met up with everyone inside and Ricky and I saw the end of The Roots. Then we headed over to watch the Beastie Boys. The hippies were fucking disgusting and retarded. Seriously, ugliest crowd in concert history. This show beat out all the ugliness of Jacksonville's Planetfest 7 and that show was morbidly obese and ugly. These hippies had the worst body odor and were fucked up on a whole different level. OMG, like I never understood the U.S.'s War on Drugs campaign until this show. Motherfuckers are retarded for life. I think I was one of four people wearing shoes. Ugh, that place was so gross.

Oh god, I almost like tripped and fell walking in that fucking field too! There tree roots sticking out and no fucking lights so Ricky and I had to wage war with shrubs and shit. The cops there were all Seminole Indians (because it is on Seminole land) so they were all morbidly obese, alcoholic, heroin addicts, who love to gamble and smoke a carton of cigs a day. Not like I'm stereotyping or anything, I'm just saying what I saw.

I wish I was a Seminole just so I could murder mother fuckers out there and get pardoned for that shit. I know that most of those people are not productive in society. Fuck, I need to stop. Langerado fucking sucked, Beastie Boys ruled except their was sound was shitty as fuck and so was their lighting, that shit was weak!

In other news I am ridiculoid sick. Now you may be asking what constitutes ridiculoid sick? Well, I fucking shat myself today, no joke. It was just a little and I didn't even realize I was doing it because I was so sick in my bed. I had to walk out of my room and tell my dad that I need to shower because I shat my pants while there are workers putting cabinets in my kitchen. EMBARASSING! My dad was like so disgusted he didn't even want to know any more. So I took a shower and thought everything would be okay. Then I threw up on my pillow all this mucus and fucking slept in that shit. I woke up and my hair was mashed to my face. So, I had to take another shower and I will be burning my bed linens tomorrow.

I'm finally starting to feel a little bit better but I think that is because I have managed to drink two bottles of Tylenol Cold. I know it says every 4 hours but shit I need that every 2 hours. I will most likely O.D. tomorrow at work, if only!

Blue Light Special

Go buy yourself some self-esteem. I heard that Wal-Mart has it as the Blue Light Special right now.

The only man I want at work is MANNY! That's it! So everyone else you hoes can keep.

BAKING SEASON, COMMENCE!

Well, the end of March is going to be a hectic baking season for me! John is coming home for two weeks. In case you don't know he has been deployed to Eastern Afghanistan. I'm really excited to see him. Then I will also have my favorite cookie monster and quite possibly my number one baking fan, Ken will be down with TOC. With that being said I'm venturing into working with some new flavors. Hopefully I will be able to reveal some new cookies and figure out what works and what doesn't.

Some of you may or may not know but the only cookie I will actually eat is Peanut Butter so I will be using my close friends and my mom as testers. So please do not be surprised when I start showing up with bags of cookies to the office and forcing them down your throats. LOL! Just kidding! But if you don't eat them I'm going to take it as a sign of disrespect. Just think, what would BOBBY LABONTE DO? I betcha he'd eat that cookie.

Thanks!

WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN ON IN MONTHS!

Hey everyone!

If I haven't responded to you since the beginning of January it isn't because I have been ignoring you. I have been insanely busy for the past couple of months. Everything has been happening really fast right now. I am just trying to breathe and take it all in at the moment.

I did however manage to find time to go to this year's Taste of Chaos Tour and meet up with some buddies in the A7X road crew! It was a great night in Miami and they came down right in the middle of WMC (winter music conference).

For those of you that don't know WMC is the biggest week in music in the United States and it is held right down here in South Florida. Tons of indie/underground electronica artists, DJs, indie rock bands, hip-hop artists, and pretty much any type of music but country & jazz is down here for 1 week only and it all ends with Ultra Music Fest which falls on the last two days. It was completely insane and my body is still recovering from that week and it has been well over a month now.

In other news, here are some updates. The Mission Veo are trying to play this year's Warped Tour so please vote for them right now, http://warpedtour.battleofthebands.com/LaMissionVeo. TMV plan on hitting the U.S. East Coast late Summer/Fall this year and I will keep everyone posted on the dates. Also, some personal news.........I got an agent and will be featured in some film, music, and modeling projects in the upcoming future. I am still like in complete awe over this still because I never thought that it would actually be something that I would go after. I really want people to know that South Florida has got it going on too you know! People that have never been here before think it is just a bunch of old people hanging out on the beach and complaining about how hot it is but that's really not the case. I have had the pleasure of living in what I would consider the 3 major entertainment states (California, New York, & Florida) and Florida has been my favorite so far. So, I will keep everyone posted with projects I am in, etc.

Other that, I am back, healthy, happy, and in love.

So, keep me posted on what you guys have all been up to!!!!!

1.18.08

1/18/08
Current mood: impressed

So Krystal, Jessica, and I went to The Mission Veo show up in West Palm Beach last night. The show was freaking amazing, The Ache is like the most amazing one man band show ever! The Mission Veo fucking rocked the house and I got to dance it up to some Chromeo with Krystal. Everything was pretty sweet last night and I got to drink up a bunch of New Castles, oh god I should of stopped after two because I hadn't eaten all day and that shit just doesn't mix. I wasn't too sick or anything like that but I did spit beer on Karsten twice, oh and I dumped his fucking Vodka & Tonic out! lol! I was in this harassing mood last night, I think all the New Castles angered me and he was an easy target, I mean he did get mugged at 7pm for christ sakes! hahahahahahahahaha! I knew I could take him! <3

When everything was said and done we were fucking starving so Krystal, Jessica, & I went and got something to eat. FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!! First I found an employee name tag on the table so I totally had to take it. Then this dude brings out a milkshake and asks Jessica if it is for her and she points to the table of overweight chicks and says "NO, IT'S THERE'S OVER THERE!" These dudes started laughing at the table next to us. Which I just want to make clear that she didn't mean it was there's because they are fat.

Then I couldn't fucking stop laughing and making ridiculously inappropriate jokes in pure drunken fashion. It took us forever to get our check and right as we are walking to leave this kid is standing in the front bare foot wearing boxers, a polo, and a fucking visor. He says "THEY STOLE MY SHOES & MY PANTS CAN I PLEASE STILL COME IN!" The workers are telling him no and that he needs to leave because of the store's policy. Yo, everyone was laughing at this kid. So we all go outside and this kid is now sitting in his beamer, it was a shitty 3 series nothing to oooo & ahhhh about.

Let me just lay out a description of this fucking kid: He is about 5' 8", white, blue eyes, super skinny, braces, and pretty much looks like a complete geek minus the glasses. He won't stop talking about how he stole 5 Gs out of his mother's safe and went out to Downtown Las Olas and hit up a 21 & up club. He says that he slipped the doorman some cash and he let him in. At first I didn't believe him because he looks like he is 13 maybe 14 but then he bust out his camera and shows us pictures of what he describes as "hot older chicks" but I describe as MID-LIFE CRISIS BITCHES! Eeeeew, they looked like they had atleast 3 kids and 2 ex-husbands each. FUCKING GROSS DUDE!

Anyways, we ended up standing out there for like 40 minutes talking to this kid. We all totally thought he was a faggot which would of been awesome because we love the gays. He claims he is straight and loves women, um sweety is stuck in the closet bad! He needs to just open that shit up and get on with his life.

So we all learned some interesting things, like he just moved here from Montana, his parents' are filthy rich, he loves Burberry, he shops all the time, he has a "girlfriend" back in Montana, he wants to pay for an escort to suck his penis like a vacuum cleaner, and that he wanted more alcohol. At this point we are all just like JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS KID????

Then he asks what are names are...................do we tell him the truth? HELL NO!! I jumped up on that shit so fast, Krystal was Carolynn, Jessica was Jenna, & I was Christine (that's my new employee name tag). Then he asks how old we are, I busted out with the 24, 26, 22 shit so that he knows no information to stalk us. We continue chit chatting with this kid for another 20 minutes. That's when he asks us if we are all lesbians. WTF? He says that Krystal & I totally look like lesbians because we have the "scene" hair and make up. Jessica looks like the only straight one in the group.

Jesus Christ man, I got told twice this evening that I look like a lesbian. WTF?

Anyways, this kid tells us how he got his ass kicked at the club and then tries to get us to go to a liquor store or a Wal-Mart to buy him booze, we convince him to drive around the building, we jump in the car and leave.

WHY DOES CRAZY SHIT HAPPEN ALL THE TIME TO ME? I mean come on, this shit would of never happened to any other group of people.

Finally I went home and passed out.

I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT THE ACHE WAS EVERYTHING I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE AND MORE! THAT WAS THE SHIT!

LIKE FOR REAL!

THE END!

WHEN SEX IN PUBLIC PLACES GETS OUT OF HAND....

WHEN SEX IN PUBLIC PLACES GETS OUT OF HAND...
Current mood: amused

In the past 3 months two random events have really made me realize why it is better just to fuck in your own bed, or someone's bed.

HOTEL LOVIN'
I was living in a Marriott for about 2 months or so and didn't have a single problem or er, noise issue for the whole stay and then...I went to pack my shit into my car and it totally went down.
I got off work and rushed back to the hotel A.S.A.P., I had to finish packing my belonging, take Memphis out, pack Memphis's shit because I guess she has luggage now (what a little bitch), and then get everything down the 3 flights of stairs and into my love mobile. I pull up to the hotel and enter in a side door and that's when I heard it "OH YEAH, FUCK, FUCK, OH HARDER!" WTF? This is bullshit! Why didn't these noises occur the whole time I had been staying there? Do you know how hard it is to get off to the Food Network? Thank god for Wolf Gang Puck's Cooking Class or else I would of been fucked. It took me about 2-3 hours to get everything in and out of the building. That shit was going on the whole time I was packing. I was so disgusted by what I was hearing that I had to stand outside their door and listen for a good 20 minutes. RIDICULOUS. After it was all said and done I made sure I went down to the lobby and told them who ever is changing the sheets in Room 304 needs to wear gloves because that shit has to have cum all over it.

PARKING LOT LOVIN'
This event took place earlier this week. I pull into my work's parking lot and decided that I needed to finish smoking my cigarette and maybe smoke 3 more before I actually go upstairs when all of a sudden a noise comes from the finer establishment next door's parking lot, "FUCK YEAH, OH GOD, FEELS SO GOOD!". I ended up smoking a pack of cigarettes just listening to this nasty shit going on. Oh and I knew the sex was nasty because I can almost bet my life on it that the bitch was a stripper from the club next door turning a trick. OFF DA CHAIN! This shit was going down in a SUV with the windows rolled up and doors closed and it was still loud as fuck. The car was like 2 parking lots away, that bitch had to of been breaking this dude off like there was no tomorrow. If not then she gets an A for best fake out during a trick because she was awesome. I don't even feel comfortable typing the shit that she was saying, I will however tell you in public, maybe whisper it in your ear near a dumpster?
ANYWAYS, all I was thinking was it is like 6 or 7 pm, who the fuck pays for sex at the time? I mean come on there is a code to hooking, trust me, I've doing it for 7 years now. God, these young bitches need to learn the rules of the game, we pull tricks from 8pm-8am Monday thru Saturday and on Sunday we pull tricks at morning Mass. God, everyone knows that, even Jesus.

These were just thoughts that have been buried inside of me for a little bit and I thought I would share with everyone.

THE QUEST FOR QUALITY TOBACCO

THE QUEST FOR QUALITY TOBACCO Well, since I can never really sleep until the day time anyways, I found myself early yesterday morning on a quest for quality tobacco products, that means Cloves. The following events took place between the hours of 4:00am-7:00am on Jan. 10, 2008. 4:00am-5:00am It was at this moment as I checked my email that I realized, damn I should only smoke black cigs because I'm a fucking rebel. I then googled "black cigs" which led me to google the suggested "Clove Cigarettes". I found this great site about Cloves and it had this beautiful piece about how most people with lung or allergy problems are more likely to die from Cloves, it truly touched me. That really fucking made me want them even more. So it was at this moment that I decided anything that can kill me with one puff is worth a try. So, I put on my pants, shoes, and a jacket and gathered my massive purse and headed for the driveway. I smoked a couple of Benson & Hedges 100s with the windows up (oh god never smelt so good) and started mapping out every open gas station in the area. 5:00am-6:00am I finally put the car in drive. I get out of my lovely gated community/prison and hit up the first gas station in town. I pull up the SHELL and ask the guy through the bullet proof glass (bullet proof glass in weston=Hilarious) if he has any Cloves. He says he doesn't know what Clove Cigarettes are......................come on you're fucking black! I'm not a racist or anything but Black & Mild and Cloves is what your babies are raised on, well other than Old English. This is failure 1, so I jump back in my car and hit up the next gas station, the Circle K by the Weston Movie Theatre. First off I pull up and there is a Sunrise Police officer inside drinking coffee, reading the paper, and eating a danish. When the fuck did the shitty ass Circle K become the oinker's spot? Did I not get the memo? So the guy that worked behind the counter was totally from India................I thought this would be success seeing how Cloves come from Indonesia and are very popular in the general Asia/Middle East area. I ask him if he sells Cloves...................No! FUCKER! I swiftly walk out and don't back talk because I don't want to upset the fucking oinker shoving his face. I jump back in my ride. That was Failure 2! Now I find myself driving to the next stop, over the bridge into fucking redneck/white trash/trailer trash land or as the map would call it, Davie. To these people I am a dirty rich spic so I am definitely not welcomed in this part of town. Most of these people think I come from the future or some shit like that. I pull into a BP and ask the dude if he sells Cloves, he says no, I exited swiftly. That was Failure 3! I knew the next stop would be my hardest battle yet. Exxon/The Country Store, the name says it all.............every hillbilly in a hundred mile radius shops at this place. It is a low class gas station stop and I would rather sit in my own piss for 500 miles than piss in their bathroom. I park at the pump because I figure it would be best for me to park in a well lit area. There are about 4 Ford trucks outside flying the most racist flag ever high and proud. I take a deep breath and walk to the store, this one guy was standing outside the door and he totally was so fug I threw up in my mouth. I go inside and make my point across fast, do you have any Cloves? The response "we don't sell those kinds of cigarettes here, we got plenty of "American Smokes"." American Smokes, wtf is that shit supposed to mean? Every smoker knows that it takes little chinese fingers to roll little tabacco products, am I wrong? This slightly angered me even more than I already am from the constant failure. This gas station ended with this line "What, does no one smoke quality Tobacco in this hell hole?" This time I ran to my car, jumped in, and floored it out. That was Failure 4. 6:00am-7:00am Then something clicked in my head there is nothing more sleazy than the Cumberland gas station right down the street. People take their babies to the bar next door, surely they must have Cloves. I drive there and once again, no cloves. That was Failure 5. Then, something clicked in my head, there was this corner store down this back road and those mother fuckers got shit that I know isn't even legal in this country. It was a 15 minute out of the way drive each way, it was worth a shot. I take all these shitty back roads pass a couple of 8 year olds out slutting it up while their single mom works her 5 shift of the day and make my way to the store. WTF, CLOSED!!!!! THESE PEOPLE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SLEEP! EVERYONE SHOULD SLEEP WHEN I SLEEP, JESUS CHRIST! This was Failure 6. On my way back to my house I stopped at Mobile and no luck, Failure 7. Then I stopped at a Race Track, that was Failure 8. The next gas station was fucking hilarious! I pull up to this Shell right on the outskirts of Weston. I pull up, get out of my car, walk over to the door, and right as I get to the door the guy runs over locks the door and holds up a cardboard sign that reads "CLOSED FOR SHIFT CHANGE". What? Do these people not know how to make schedules? The whole point of having multiple people working different shifts is so that a 24 hour gas station never has to close because someone always shows up to relieve the other person. There are no breaks, no pauses, no lights out! YOU ARE 24 HOURS. I refused! I tapped on the window and was like do you have Cloves? The jerk points to his sign......................"listen asshole I didn't ask if you were closed because you're 24 hrs. so the obvious answer is NO, I asked if you have CLOVES? AS IN THE CIGARETTES, they are all black." He looked shocked, he didn't reply and I just finally said Fuck you and left. That was Failure 9. I finally made it home in time to watch Judge Hatchett and pass the fuck out. I think I need to stop going on these quests. First Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and now this. All I have to say is that atleast I got New Castle Brown Ale out of one of them. Hopefully my next quest will be successful!

TMV IN '08/THE BLACK DISTRICT/THANK YOU/RADIO PLAY/MAILING LIST

So, THE MISSION VEO is kind of blowing up right now on the East Coast. This is a really exciting time for the whole Veo family. The band has been working really hard for the past couple of years and now they have a full length album that is currently available on iTunes or you can purchase the super cool limited edition all black pressing, which is amazing, out and things just seem to be rolling.

They are going to be playing with FREEZEPOP on Friday Jan. 18, 2008 at Respectable Street in West Palm Beach, Fl. This show is 3 days after my 20th Birthday, woo hoo! Hopefully all my friends and family will come out and support me at the job.

THE BLACK DISTRICT (TMV's Street Team) is going a million times better than I thought it would ever go. It's always been really amazing to me how awesome people can be to an Indie Label band. Everytime I've been on the road with a van band or a low grade tour bus band people have always been super nice. Anytime I ever needed a shower, a bed, food, money, clothes (believe it or not), a friend to talk to, anything at all these kids across the country have always been so supportive and loving. I still talk to everyone that has helped me out and they are all great friends of mine. So far people have never even met before have been spreading the word non-stop expecting nothing in return and they get my mad respect. These kids are the life of the band and everyone that works with/for the band. Without all of you, I wouldn't have a fucking job and my friends wouldn't get to live their dream so thank you! I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND IF YOU EVER SEE ME, HUG ME!!!!

THE MISSION VEO is finally getting some radio play which is really awesome. Here is a list and a way to request "NEW YORK SCUM" on the radio:

UPDATED U.S. LIST COMING!

WJRR 101.1 Orlando, Florida 407.916.1011

BUZZ JR. 103.1 Ft. Lauderdale, Florida 561.550.9103 Sunday Nights

WMHW 91.5 Mt. Pleasant, Michig an 989.774.3691 CRFrock915@gmail.com

KFMA 92.1 Tucsan , Arizona 520.880.5362 testdept@kfma.com

KFMA 101.3 Tucsan, Arizona 520.880.5362 testdept@kfma.com

KOMP 92.3 Las Vegas, Nevada homegrown@komp.com

KXTE 107.5 Las Vegas, Nevada 702.791.1057

AREA 107.9 Las Vegas, Nevada 702.732.1079

Also, I'm starting a mailing list for TMV that will include exclusive media, merch, show dates, and maybe even a private show from the band at their studio, so if you are interested in joining, email me your contact information and I will add you.

MY EMAIL: cveoblkdstrct@gmail.com

Other than that, THANK YOU ALL AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!

I'll be seeing all of you in '08!

MUCH LOVE & STAY BLACK
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Chantal Veo.