CHANTAL

I had to undergo a week of therapy before I could even begin writing this.  If you haven't seen the new season of Bret Michaels' Rock of Love then you have yet to truly be emotionally scarred.  Pretty much every chick that has ever been on that show is a stripper or a porn star; this season is no exception, the only difference is that these chicks look like they hook at truck stops on the side.  I have never seen such a large group of scags before in my whole life.  Every season the blondes get blonder, the boobs get bigger, and the battles get more brutal.  Not even half way through the first episode there was already fighting.  This alien Nikki flipped out because her luggage was removed from the bus so that Natasha could reorganize the luggage so everyones bags could fit.  This bitch goes rambling on & on and I couldnt even pay attention to anything she said because her body & face need to be donated to NASA for genetic testing.  There is no way she is part of the human race; I refuse to believe it!  What doctor would proudly make someone look as horrific as Nikki?  The mere mention of her name induces vomiting.  I need to move on before the enamel on my teeth disappears.  Although I do have to say she wrote a very lovely rap for Bret on the back of a bunch of STD pamphlets.  So romantic!!!!!    
After the bitch battle over luggage the girls attend a Bret Michaels concert in Louisville, KY.  On the way there Ashley makes fun of Marcias Brazilian accent in true white trash fashion, which leads to Marcia pouring tequila all over Ashleys head.  Of course all the blondes on the bus, or as they like to call themselves the blondtourage, rush to Ashleys aide.  Awe, so cute!  I cant wait for them to turn on each other & start calling out who blew Bret first.  At the concert, since they all believe they are gods gift to men, they swarm the stage and some even think it would lady-like to make out, lick each others nipples, and do things that should only appear behind closed doors on stage in front of the whopping 52 concert goers the rest of the CGI crowd.  I guess rock concerts are the best place to have that slut talk with the kids.  
Just when you think things couldnt possibly get more vile the ladies make their way to the after party at a local bar where the drinks keep pouring and Nikki, the alien, does a shot off of one of Gias body parts.   Ill give you a hint, it doesnt begin with the letter B & everyone looked utterly disgusted.  After that lovely display of friendship the party was pretty much over and the ladies headed back to the hotel.  Of course the rooms are stocked with an endless supply of booze so a few more drinks wont hurt.  Things between Ashley & Marcia ignite and Marcia attacks Ashley & chokes her out.  That was quite possibly my highlight of the episode just for the simple fact that Ashley thinks she is this hottest chick on the planet.  
Finally everyones favorite part, THE ELIMINATION!!!!!  This is the part where already low self-esteems are crushed to nothing and women are left to take the walk of shame.  Bret eliminates Nikki & her C-shot partner Gia along with two other chicks that I honestly didnt even know were in the show until elimination.